a combination of things.

I’m a combination of things.
I’m a combination of emotions.
I’m a combination of realities.
I can’t fit myself into a definition.
I’m too sensitive. And too brutal.
I’m too insecure. And too confident.
I’m self-assured. And indecisive.
I’m too much and seemingly not enough.
I’m a free-spirit and rigid.
At the same time.
My heart is so full.
yet I still hear so clear the echoes of emptiness.
I’m built like a warrior.
and, I’m on the verge of tears.
I had to ask myself “are you sad?”
No, I’m not sad.
Today was a good day.
I’m full of joy.
This life I get to live is a great life.
I’m full of gratitude.
I’m overflowing with abundance.

And you know what, I’m sad too.
I’m sad for the souls that are suffering.
Or maybe I’m not.
Maybe I’m sad with my inability to be with what’s so.
Maybe I’m sad about the way I retreat at the onset of what I perceive to be bad news.
Maybe I’m sad because I have already prepared myself for the worst.
Though my very prayer is for the best.
Maybe I’m sad because of the unprocessed trauma that’s been normalized.
Why are so many of us dying senseless deaths.
Maybe I’m sad because I don’t know what to do.
Maybe I’m sad because I’m aware of my energy leaks.
I am remotely aware of the energy leaks in my bloodline.
I am remotely aware of the energy leaks in those I love.
And I would do anything for the one’s I love to be free…
And because I am a combination of things sometimes that looks like,
being an over giver. and sometimes it looks likes completely shutting down.
either way…I’m a combination of things.
and accepting that allows me to be free.